im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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