Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
