Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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