After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
