did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
