So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
