someone owes me an orgasm
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
