we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
