i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
