I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
