so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
