CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
