I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
