Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
