I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
