Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
