i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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