marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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