This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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