She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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