Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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