Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
