I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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