oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
