Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
