Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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