found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
