oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
