If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
