he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
