It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
