I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
