we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
