Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
