dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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