this just has baby written all over it
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
