so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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