okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
