So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
