I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
