I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
