Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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