1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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