he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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