Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
