there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
