i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
