I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
