My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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