I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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