Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
