I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
