we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
last night I used snow as a chaser
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
